Another Kind of Fear
by DianeB
Summary: Robbins/Torres. Arizona talks with Callie about consequences after Callie outs the two of them to her father. The cost of coming out can be high, but is ultimately the best choice. Set strictly during the S5 episode, "Sweet Surrender." Arizona's pov.


Title: Another Kind of Fear  
Author: DianeB  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Robbins/Torres

Summary: Ever since she and Callie started dating, Arizona has been diligently working to help Callie become more comfortable in her lesbian skin. Arizona's help turns into something less enjoyable, but no less diligent, the day Callie's father arrives. Set strictly during the Season 5 episode, "Sweet Surrender" (but taking into account the little we learned about Callie's family in the very next episode, "No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance))." Written from Arizona's pov.

Author's Note: Thanks to my Mighty Editor Goddess Brenda S., and to Jules 68 for her enthusiastic support of my fanfic attempts. Written in late May, 2009. This is my _fifteenth_ _Grey's Anatomy_ story.

Disclaimer: This is femslash (lite), and there are some curse words. Don't read it if you're not into that sort of thing. I own nothing of _Grey's Anatomy_. I'm only trying to develop some depth for the characters, and I promise to put them back when I'm done. Written with the knowledge that new episodes aired after SS will probably spoil this scenario.

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Arizona had known from the start that being with Calliope was going to be a challenge as well as a joy. The joy part she'd already experienced. The challenge part was turning out to be, well, challenging.

The main one so far had been Callie's reluctance to display open affection in the hospital, even while those around her were screwing in on-call rooms. Callie was ablaze when they were alone in one or the other's apartment, but at work, Callie would barely hold her hand in an empty elevator. Arizona knew Callie's experience with Erica Hahn had left her fearful of trying again, but she also knew that Callie's behavior in the hospital had more to do with another kind of fear, one that Arizona suspected was at the core of the problems between Callie and Erica.

Determined it would not come to that with Callie and her, Arizona decided to make it her business to practice "open displays" with Callie at every opportunity, to ease Callie into the idea that the world would not end if her colleagues knew they were a bona-fide couple. It wasn't like her goal was to be banged in an on-call room; only that Callie get comfortable enough with casual touching that she wouldn't stop breathing every time Arizona caught her eye.

Arizona was not, however, naïve about the ways of the world, or how a parent of one of her young patients might perceive things, so she always chose her moments judiciously. While the straight couples might be able to kiss in the corridors in full view of patients and visitors, Arizona knew it could not be that way for the gay ones. Thus, Arizona set out.

She'd had her first opportunity almost right after she'd made the decision to start. Callie had, as usual, taken Arizona's hand in an empty elevator, which was just peachy until the doors opened on several nurses, and Callie dropped her hand like it was on fire. As the nurses entered the car, Arizona firmly reclaimed Callie's hand. Callie's eyes went wide with panic, and Arizona, hanging on for dear life, spent the duration of the ride trying to convey with her own eyes that it was _all right_, that these nurses seeing their hands entwined would not cause the end of days. It was a harrowing ten seconds, but Callie survived.

The weeks went by in this manner, with Arizona capturing calculated moments of intimacy with Callie, taking great care not to be threatening or overbearing. Arizona realized with amusement that it had been many years since she'd worked this hard for anyone's affection, and hoped there might come a day when she'd be able to share her amusement with Callie.

In the meantime, if anyone in the hospital had been scandalized by her and Callie's minor displays of affection, no one was whispering about it, a sure sign that no one gave a damn. Not only that, but to Arizona's intense pleasure and relief, her plan seemed to be working for Callie, who was indeed becoming more at ease. Callie had even gone so far as to initiate hand-holding in the crowded courtyard at lunch one afternoon – a definite breakthrough.

But the biggest step forward had come that very morning. Callie had been about to pass her going the opposite direction on a deserted staircase. But Arizona did not allow her to, instead bouncing backward up a step to block Callie's way, grabbing Callie's coat and pulling her in for a kiss. It was abundantly evident in Callie's fervent response that a breakthrough had indeed been achieved. Arizona continued down the steps with a renewed sense of belief that Calliope was finally becoming comfortable with the idea that, yes, she was a lesbian and, no, the world would not collapse because of it.

As breakthroughs go, it _was_ impressive, but it was nothing compared to what was to come.

**oOo oOo oOo**

Standing at the nurse's station, Arizona witnessed the outrageous physical interaction between Callie's father and George O'Malley, followed quickly by his less intense (but every bit as outrageous) interaction with Mark Sloan. The sheer _sincerity_ of Mr. Torres' actions in defense of his daughter's virtue was a thing to behold, though certainly nothing to be on the receiving end of. Arizona, frozen at the counter, hearing Callie stumbling over pronouns, entertained one wild hope that Callie would revert to former behavior and not out the two of them to her dad. Colleagues were one thing; parents were something else entirely.

Unfortunately, Callie chose this moment to proudly wave the rainbow flag, and as Callie came to guide Arizona to her father, Arizona sucked in an anxious breath and prayed Mr. Torres would not follow suit with her.

**oOo oOo oOo**

Later in the day, Arizona again watched Callie with her father, this time through the window of the doctor's lounge. When Mr. Torres stormed from the room, with Callie yelling after him, Arizona entered and spoke to Callie's back. "What happened?"

Sighing heavily, Callie turned from the window to face her, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "He, uh…gave me an ultimatum. Said if I didn't come home, he'd take away my trust fund. Cut me off. So I cut _him_ off. I mean, if he can't accept me for who I am…" And here Callie laughed derisively, as if amazed at what she had done. "I cut him _off_."

Not knowing anything about Callie's relationship with her father – aside from today's high-speed Spanish quarrels – it was hard for Arizona to gauge how Callie was really feeling, which prompted an obvious question. "Are you okay?"

"No. I mean, yeah, I, uh…" Watching Callie trying to decide whether or not she was _okay_ was tough, and it turned downright painful when Callie realized she was not. Before the woman could fall to pieces just standing there, Arizona made a low sound of sympathy and gathered Callie into her arms.

Holding Callie, Arizona thought about coming out to parents. It was never easy. There was so much at stake, so much to lose, because you never knew until after you'd said it whether or not your parents still loved you. For some gays and lesbians, the risk was too great and they never told, choosing instead to live double lives for their parents. That meant a lifetime of pronoun-watching and deceptions they never dreamed they'd be using against their own parents. If they happened to be in a relationship, it was far worse, because it meant an added layer of struggle – being separated from a lover when you most wanted to be with them, like holidays, vacations, even birthdays. Most couples couldn't endure.

As Callie wept, Arizona recalled the night she had come out to her own parents. While she had always been thankful her parents hadn't disowned her, it still had not gone at all like she had planned…

"_So, Arizona," her mother began in her usual patient manner, "what is this thing you must tell us that's so important? You're not failing chemistry, are you?"_

"_No, Mom, I'm not failing chem. It's about me, about what I am."_

_Now her father chimed in. "What on Earth do you mean, 'what you are?' You're our daughter."_

_Arizona shook her head at her father's tone. How could they not see what was right in front of them? Her original plan had been to get to college, come home for the holidays, come out, and let the chips fall where they may. But after this last incident when her mother caught her on the couch, literally _on top_ of Julie, her current girlfriend, yet _still_ hadn't acknowledged anything, Arizona revised her plan. Their denial was phenomenal, always had been, but she realized she couldn't go off to school without saying it out loud. "I'm gay, guys. Julie and I are more than 'just friends,' you know? I'm a lesbian. I like girls. I always have. How could you not know?"_

_And then her parents floored her, saying in unison, "We know."_

_She almost forgot how to speak, managing to choke out, "WHAT? You KNOW? What are you talking about? Why didn't you say anything?"_

_Her mother spoke. "We were waiting for you to tell us. We didn't want to pressure you."_

_There followed a conversation unlike anything Arizona had ever imagined. Yes, her parents said, they had known for a while, first suspecting when she was three, because at that time, she announced she was going to marry Ginger, her babysitter, when she was old enough._

"_But mom," Arizona argued, "I was three! Of course I wanted to marry my babysitter! Every three-year-old wants to!"_

"_But you never grew out of that, dear," her mother said, reaching over to pat Arizona's knee. "The only thing that ever changed was the name of the girl you wanted to marry. But it was always a girl."_

_And that, Arizona realized, was perfectly true._

Arizona never let herself forget what exceedingly rare birds her parents were. So many of her friends had gone though hell with their folks, and unfortunately it looked like Callie was about to join those ranks.

As Callie's tears subsided, Arizona pulled gently away, feeling the dampness of Callie's lament on her shoulder. "Calliope," she said, reaching up to wipe tears from Callie's cheek with the pad of her thumb, "I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make your father understand and accept, but it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes it's just a matter of time before they come around; other times they never do. I have friends who've been through it both ways."

Callie swiped at her eyes, smearing mascara in the process, but managed a weak smile. "I assume you've already told your parents. Which way did it go for you?"

Arizona turned to the end table for a couple of tissues, handing them to Callie. "Neither. I was one of the 'lucky ones,' in that my parents already knew, and believe me, I never take that for granted. They were apparently just waiting for me to get up the nerve to tell them. When I think about it now, it's funny, because they were so progressive and so patient, but it really wasn't funny at the time. I was pretty much blown away, but at least I still had my mom and dad. Remind me to tell you the story sometime, okay?"

Callie, quickly desecrating the two tissues, tossed them in the trashcan and reached for more. Dropping heavily to the vinyl couch, she blotted her eyes and blew her nose, speaking in disparate sentences that reflected her tattered mood. "I'll definitely want to hear that story. I can't go to Florida. I _won't_ go. I'm happy here." She glanced up at Arizona through red-rimmed eyes, "I'm happy with _you_. I-I can do without the trust fund," Callie stuttered, tears beginning anew, "b-but what am I gonna do without my daddy?" Arizona sat beside Callie on the couch and again took Callie in her arms.

"Calliope," Arizona ventured, stroking Callie's hair, "even though you scared me to death this afternoon with your unplanned introduction, you did a very courageous thing, coming out to your father like that, right in front of God and everyone. You know that, don't you?"

Callie broke their embrace, again wiping her eyes, sniffling, her voice thick with tears. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Don't _guess_ so, _know_ so. Not everyone would have the guts, not after what your father did to O'Malley and Sloan. In fact, after _I_ saw what he did, I was kind of hoping you'd keep your mouth shut about us." Callie genuinely laughed at this, and the sound warmed Arizona's heart.

"Well, you heard me with the pronouns, didn't you? I _was_ trying! I mean, I was pretty sure he wouldn't toss you against the wall, but when you stuck out your hand, I didn't know if he'd shake it or use it for leverage! Thank God he's at least a gentleman, huh?"

Arizona laughed with Callie, but what Callie had said about the pronouns piqued her curiosity. "Why didn't you just go with the masculine pronouns, pretend you were dating a man? What made you decide to tell him?"

Callie looked away and then looked back, her dark eyes filled with resolve. Then she blinked once and turned her head away again, as if she'd changed her mind about what she was going to say.

"Hey." Arizona touched her fingertips to Callie's chin and brought her face around again. "What is it?"

Callie shook her head. "No, no, it's gonna sound all wrong."

"Try me."

"I don't think you'll understand."

"Calliope, just say it."

"It was Erica."

Okay, that _did_ surprise her. "Erica? But didn't she just leave—"

Callie cut her off. "No, she didn't 'just leave,' I pushed her away. I pushed her because I was afraid, afraid when she told me she was gay, afraid people would think _I_ was gay, afraid of us being together anywhere but in bed. Afraid of everything about it." Callie lowered her eyes to her lap, fiddling with the sodden tissues, and spoke softly. "Kinda the way I was with you – until that very second when I was tripping over the pronouns. Erica said I was the one who made her realize she was gay." She looked up again. "I think you're the one who's done that for me, but the big difference is you didn't walk out on me the way I did with Erica. Being with you feels good, it feels _right_, and at that moment this afternoon, I knew there was no way I wasn't gonna tell my dad."

Arizona sat back, marveling at the woman before her. "You're something else, Calliope."

"Yeah, I feel like _something else_, all right." Callie's tone shifted, taking on a sturdier edge. "You said that sometimes parents 'come around?'"

Arizona nodded, grateful to add hope to the conversation. "Yes. Actually more of them do than don't, but it doesn't happen overnight. Think about it, Calliope, all parents want the same thing for their children. They want them to have a good life and be happy. Trouble is, most people know that being gay could mean just the opposite. So I think that's what drives parents' anger when they learn a child is gay. They're afraid their child might never be happy because of _how others will react to them_, not because of their being gay.

"I think that's where your father is right now. He loves you terribly and he's afraid for you, and the only response he understands right now is anger. He wasn't expecting your 'next suitor' to be a woman. You have to give him time. Does any of this make sense to you?"

Callie sniffed again. "It makes perfect sense, especially in the case of my father. He's always been so protective of me."

The image of George and Mark flat against the wall flashed in Arizona's mind. "Ya think?"

Callie offered a crooked smile and a deep sigh. "But what do I do now?"

"Well, first I think you need to make sure you and the chief are clear about your standing in the hospital. Next, you're going to have to wait." A thought occurred to Arizona. "What about other relatives? Your mother? What do you think her response will be?"

"Seriously? I'm not sure. She's always been an independent thinker – hell, _both_ of them are, so it's no surprise I am. But you saw how he was!" Callie gestured with her arm in emphasis. "He won't listen to reason, he won't _listen_ at all! Mom usually ignores him when he gets like that, but I'm not sure if she'll be able to this time."

"Is there any chance you can reach her before he does? If you think she'd be supportive, maybe she can help you diffuse his anger."

Callie searched inside for a moment, then shook her head. "He probably phoned her as soon as he stomped out of here. Mom probably already called my sister and my aunt. I suppose I could call one of them, but that scares me, too. If they're on his side, I can't go through it again, at least not right now."

Once again, not knowing Callie's history with her family, Arizona had to defer to Callie's wisdom. "Then I guess you wait. I know that's going to be hard, but really, the ball's in your father's court. As I said, he's in shock right now, and it's going to take some time for him to think it through. Personally, I don't really believe he's going to cut you off or make you move to Florida. I think he was just using that because you took him by surprise.

"He certainly knows how you feel, not just about me, but about your job and the money and everything. If I were you, I'd maybe leave him a voicemail message, to be sure he knows you're not going to back down, but otherwise, it's his turn."

Callie nodded, clearly at a loss. "Yeah."

Arizona debated with herself about whether or not to say the next thing, but she knew it wouldn't be fair to Callie to hold anything back. "Calliope, listen, there's one more thing. Even though I'm almost one hundred percent certain he won't follow through with his threats if you don't go to Florida, you have to be prepared for the possibility that he might."

A tear rolled slowly down Callie's face, her lower lip quivered. "I know. It's not just about the trust fund. I don't care about the trust fund. I care about _him_. I know h-he might never 'come around,' and he might take everyone with him. I might not hear from my family ever again."

Arizona nodded, taking her lower lip in her teeth. She knew this kind of rejection didn't happen quite as often as it used to, but it _did_ happen, and she knew Callie should be ready for this possibility.

"Oh, God." Callie squeezed her eyes shut, then reached out and took Arizona's hand. "Stay with me a minute?"

It was true that being with Calliope was going to be a challenge. But answering this question was no challenge at all. "I'm not going anywhere, Calliope."

End.

**oOo oOo oOo**

_Why would we dive into deep waters?  
__Why would we risk life and limb?  
__If not to experience euphoria,  
__And if not to dive right in?_

_And isn't love the same as the storm line?  
__Don't we throw ourselves into that sea?  
__But with a hope that the rescue will always be there  
__For you and for me._

_And I wonder why few seem to notice  
__As the pressure continues to rise,  
__That love is the truest barometer,  
__And the absence of love our demise._

-- Tret Fure, from her song, "The Storm"


End file.
